Parenting Adult Kids: Navigating Life Alongside Them

He said it straight up, this truth I had been feeling deep down too.

Sitting in chairs pulled up close enough for our legs and knees to touch, we sat across from each other for maximum eye contact. And the prolonged eye contact had been stacking up, my neck tingling deliciously, our eyes flashing at each other, and his voice husky and flirting. We had been alternating between laughter and serious conversations that assessed and reviewed our relationship.

Photo: Flickr user Seif Alaya, Creative Commons cc license

Suddenly my husband’s eyes turned reflective and his voice signaled a new paragraph, away from the marriage retreat material.

“You know, you need to be careful with the way you…,” and he described an interaction between me and our seventeen year old daughter.

“You’re right. I was thinking that late last night too,” I agreed, and we sat silent in a conference room filled with twelve to thirteen murmuring couples.

“I’ll talk with her and apologize for coming off so intense,” I mused. Mark and I grinned, flashing eyes at each other again, and he made a joke, raising his eyebrows at me. I shifted my legs closer to him and we read the next marriage discussion question aloud. Peace and determination settled deep into heart crevices inside me.

Traversing life’s many choices with our adult and near-adult children is something I’m learning as I go. Standing up on tip-toes to hug my almost-twenty-one year old son and my willowy high school daughter, I can sense this deepening gap between us. Not that we aren’t close! We’re very close, but parenting looks different here. 

“I get to be a groomsman,” my twenty-year old son tells me, grinning. “There’ll be two weddings that day!” he laughs, holding up a wedding invitation that just came in the mail.

Meanwhile, Morgan researches colleges, gobbling up class descriptions online like me in a chocolate store, and we debate the pros and cons of transfer credits and build-your-own-majors.

“Hey, Morgan.” I strung words together distractedly as we pulled onto Highway 35W south this morning. “I’m sorry I came across so intense the other day. I am on your side and we’ll research this together. Sound good?”

Windshield wipers scraped grey frost to the sides of the car and I could see it from the corner of my eye. Her smile was soft, warm. “Thanks, Mom.”

Parenting tall young men and women is a joy and privilege. It’s a constant chance for me to learn and grow as well. Side by side, my husband and I are laughing, learning, and praying as we go.

What are you thinking about this week? 

If you are not receiving my posts by email, welcome! Simply enter your email address in the box at the top right of the page. Don’t miss an article.